Have you ever resisted doing something because it just doesn't feel like you?
Perhaps you've been encouraged to spend more time networking, but you don't want to be one of those people who are always working the room.
Or you've had feedback that you need to promote your achievements more, but you can't stand people who are constantly blowing their own trumpet.
Fair.
But I wonder whether sometimes we limit ourselves by confusing a particular behaviour with the worst version of that behaviour. Hint: we do.
There's quite a bit of territory between letting your work speak for itself and shameless self-promotion. Or between avoiding organisational politics altogether and being a malicious, conniving political operator.
And somewhere in that territory might be a way of doing things that feels perfectly comfortable with your values, even if it doesn't initially come naturally.
I often explore this with coaching clients. What exactly is it about the behaviour that feels objectionable? What would be a way of approaching it that would feel acceptable?
Sometimes the answer is “nothing”. And that's fine.
But sometimes we discover that what's being defended isn't really a deeply held value. It's just a familiar way of doing things.
I think there's an important difference between being authentic and being unwilling to adapt.
You can learn to be more diplomatic without becoming dishonest. More influential without becoming manipulative. More visible without becoming a show-off. Something feeling a bit awkward or unfamiliar doesn't necessarily mean it's inauthentic.
So next time you find yourself saying "that's just not me", perhaps it's worth getting a little more curious about what you mean.
You might find you've got more options than you thought.
Until next week,
Madeleine
I help accomplished professionals untangle difficult career questions so they can thrive in work and life.
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