You can’t please all of the people all of the time.
It ain’t a new idea - first attributed to a monk in the 15th century and popularised by a US president in the 19th century.
But it’s still so tempting to try! Especially if part of your success has come from being responsive, helpful and good at bringing people with you
And yet, even if every single thing you do is reasonable, thoughtful and well-handled, sometimes, people are still going to walk away disappointed, or perhaps even angry.
It’s difficult to be an effective senior leader without becoming comfortable with disappointing people.
Not because you should stop caring what people think or become cavalier about the impact of your decisions. Treating people well still matters. Being fair matters. Listening properly matters. Explaining your reasoning matters.
But none of that guarantees that people will be happy with the outcome.
You might need to say no to a good idea because it isn’t the priority
Choose one person for an opportunity several people wanted.
Hold someone to a standard they’d prefer you to relax.
Decline a request you could technically accommodate because you don’t want to create the precedent, or because you want to prioritise something else.
The danger is when wanting people to be happy with you starts shaping the decision itself…
You keep too many priorities alive because you don’t want to disappoint the people attached to them.
You make exceptions you don’t really believe in.
You soften accountability.
You delay a call you already know you need to make.
You keep searching for an option that leaves everyone reasonably happy, even when there isn’t one.
That’s usually the point where it’s worth asking yourself whether you’d make the same decision if you knew they’d take it well?
And if their reaction is telling you something important about the quality of the decision — or simply that they didn’t get the outcome they wanted?
Disappointment is information. Sometimes it tells you that you’ve handled something badly… but not always. Sometimes it just means you made a choice.
Do you feel like you’re being too “nice” at work, but struggling to find that balance? Get in touch and let’s explore how to help you through that – and share this with someone you think may resonate!
Until next week,
Madeleine
I help accomplished professionals untangle difficult career questions so they can thrive in work and life.
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