The choice behind the choice

In any decision there are two movements: the external act - the thing you do - and the internal orientation from which you do it.

We tend to focus on the external layer: the policy, the strategy, the response in the meeting. These are visible, discussable, documentable and so they look like the work of leadership.

Yet the deeper inflection sits underneath, in the stance you take in yourself before you act. Are you defending or genuinely considering? Is your attention open or already braced? Are you acting to maintain control or to stay in contact with what is actually happening?

Two leaders can make the same decision and produce entirely different effects, not because the action differs, but because the quality of presence behind it differs.

Consider a partner in a law firm deciding whether to write off a junior lawyer’s time on a matter. The visible decision is the same either way: the time is written off. But the internal stance can differ.

One partner writes it off with irritation, seeing the junior’s work as inefficient and themselves as the one forced to compensate. The conversation that follows is tight, corrective, and subtly distancing.

Another writes it off from a stance of stewardship, recognising the junior is still developing and that the matter was a learning ground. The conversation becomes a chance to understand how the work unfolded and what support would be most useful next time.

The action is identical.
The effect is not.

So, the practical work is learning to notice this internal stance in real time… not to perfect it, but to make it available to choice rather than habit.

The decision is never just what to do.

It is always also how to be while doing it.

Until next week,

Madeleine

PS If you’d like me to work with you as you navigate the dance between what you do and who you are when you do it, let me know and please share with anyone you think may benefit.

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