Your body is broadcasting – whether you mean it to or not
Many senior leaders tell me they “keep it neutral.” They mean they don’t show emotion in meetings… no visible frustration, no exuberance, no fatigue.
The intention is great – not letting every little thought and feeling affect the people around you. The reality though, is that even the best poker players have tells.
Your body is a broadcast network. Even when you think you’re composed, your micro-expressions, tone, breath and pupil dilation are sending signals your team subconsciously decodes. Our nervous systems sync with those around us.
When you say “I’m fine” through gritted teeth, everyone’s amygdala gets the message: We’re not fine.
The cost of pretending to be neutral
When leaders suppress their inner state, two things happen:
The team feels the dissonance. People start second-guessing. If your words and body don’t match, they trust the body – and end up trusting *you* less.
You lose access to empathy. Emotional suppression dampens not only the “negative” feelings but your ability to read others accurately.
In other words, you can’t lead with resonance from behind a mask.
The practice of regulated transparency
The goal isn’t oversharing or dysregulation; it’s congruence.
Try these small calibrations:
When you’re tense, name it lightly: “I’m feeling a bit stretched… let’s slow down for a minute.” It normalises humanity.
Before a high-stakes meeting, do one grounding breath cycle. Your parasympathetic system cues calm across the room.
After a heated discussion, debrief your state, not just your position: “I realise I was defensive in that conversation.” It builds a bridge of connection to the other person – they already know you were defensive. Now the incongruence has been addressed. That takes the puff out of it.
Presence isn’t about bottling emotion or dumping it. It’s about owning it so completely that it stops slipping out sideways.
Until next week,
Madeleine
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