A bit of a rant about toxic positivity

I really get irked by the toxically positive idea that any negative emotion you might have is a limitation holding you back. Eradicate the limiting belief and success will be yours, so this pervasive trope would have you believe!

No.

Having a fear of:

  • Failure

  • Judgement

  • Isolation

  • Exposure

  • Pain

is not a limiting belief.

So many of my clients judge themselves harshly for having these fears. They hear the “good vibes only” messages and blame themselves for not being unmitigated sunbeams.

That only makes it worse. You know why? Because the fears are rational. Especially in a culture built around norms that are different from you, and so where just being yourself really can open you up to failure, judgement, isolation, exposure and pain.

Not too many people are genuinely sanguine about experiencing those things, and rightly so. Wanting to avoid them is protective. If you had no fear of any of those things you’d be reckless and shameless. Gross.

Making yourself wrong for having a perfectly rational fear only sends it underground, and heaps the fertiliser of self-judgement and shame upon it. Doesn’t fix anything. Makes it worse.

Instead, welcoming and thanking the part of you that wants to keep you safe comes as a relief.

Then you feel ready to consider how to move forward in a way that doesn’t have that part overplaying its hand, keeping you too small and getting in the way of what you want to achieve.

Until next week,
Take care of yourself and others

Madeleine

PS. Are you wanting to make changes at work but feeling torn between who you really are and what’s needed to succeed? Let me know. Send me a message to enquire, and please share with anyone you think may benefit.

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Madeleine Shawtoxic, limiting belief, change